Now I have a machine gun. Ho Ho Ho.

It’s easy to forget how much Die Hard changed the action movie landscape. John McClane wasn’t an invincible, muscle-bound killing machine. He was tough, clever, everyman who refused to give up. Throw in the perfect casting of Bruce Willis and Alan Rickman, and you’ve got an all-time great action movie, and a bono-fide Christmas classic.

Sat (11/25) 9:20 - Sun (11/26) 7:00 - Tues (11/28) 7:00

the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap danced with Danny F***ing Kaye.

Join the Griswolds for another disastrous, fun old-fashioned family Christmas. Christmas Vacation may be the closest thing we have to a holiday tradition. We’ve played it three years in a row. That’s 100% of Christmases since we took over the theater.

Fri (11/24) 7:00 - Sat (11/25) 2:30 - Wed (11/29) 7:00

How are these guys not dead?

As kids, we loved this movie for the slapstick traps and goofy performances. As adults, we can’t help but notice that Kevin McCallister (Macauley Culkin) has terrible parents and might be a psychopath. This may actually improve the film, but it’s definitely a different viewing experience.

Sat (11/25) 4:40 - Sun (11/26) 2:30 - Thurs (11/30) 7:00

Never feed them after midnight

How on earth have we not already played Gremlins? It’s got director Joe Dante (The Howling), writer Chris Columbus (The Goonies), and even a Dick Miller cameo (His seventh in a film we’ve played). Basically, it’s a bunch of our favorite people making a goopy holiday horror-satire. Time to correct the situation.

Sat (11/25) 7:00 - Mon (11/27) 7:00

Two DADs. One Toy. No Prisoners.

A workaholic father (Arnold Schwarzenegger) wants to patch things up with his wife and kid by buying the perfect Christmas present. Something-something the true meaning of Christmas. Let’s be honest, you aren’t watching this one for the plot. Jingle All the Way is a bonkers hit of nostalgia, filled with the wild tonal swings and ham-fisted performances that only the 90’s could deliver.

Fri (11/24) 9:15 - Sun (11/26) 4:50

VHS Night Presents: The Hulk Hogan Holiday movie you thought you imagined.

After a reckless paintball game causes police to mistake millionaire Blake Thorn (Hulk Hogan) for a terrorist, Thorn disguises himself as a mall Santa to avoid capture. But when his trash-chute escape goes wrong, an amnesiac Thorn believes he was the real Santa all along. After beating up a few crooks for a cheering crowd, Thorn decides to use his strength for good, and rescue an orphanage from the evil land developer Ebner Frost and his geologist henchmen. I swear we didn’t make any of that up.

VHS NIGHT, Fri (12/1)
9:30 VHS Trailers, 10:00 Santa With Muscles

Santa with Muscles is a kid’s movie, but VHS Night isn’t really a kid-friendly event. The pre-show will absolutely be R-rated.